Spontaneity is now illegal, it appears. A stranded air traveller tweets that he would like to blow up an airport, and receives a £1000 fine and as a result loses his job, thanks to the provisions of the 2003 Communications Act and a district judge who has no understanding of technology, or indeed the use of language by human beings.
What the unfortunate tweeter said, as well as his threat to 'blow the airport sky high' was that the airport had 'a week to get your shit together'. Presumably the judge imagined that this meant that the airport needed to accumulate... OK, best not to specify what that could mean, if read by a moron who has no understanding of human communication (see David Mitchell for a wonderful deconstruction of this whole business).
So just to be on the safe side, I'd better clarify that I have no intention of using any more metaphors in this blog.
PS This morning I took my daughter to cricket lessons. I was asked to help out when they split the girls into groups. At the end of the session I was given a thick A4 envelope with a form to fill in if I wanted to help in future - so they can check if I have a criminal record for sexual offences. I've got increasingly bored by the debates about social authoritarianism under New Labour, but I have to admit something slightly crazy is going on.